Twelve Easy Steps to Traumatize your Turtle

1. Decide that it’s time to clean the turtle's tank.
2. Remove the turtle from the tank, placing it temporarily in its old, plastic habitat from when you first got it.  Then realize that the old tank is way too small and, also, full of dust.
3. Give the turtle a “shower” in the sink to remove the dust bunnies and then place it in a large plastic bowl.
4. Set the bowl on the table while you go clean the tank.
5. Shoo the kitten away from the fun new play thing he found on the table (a.k.a. “turtle in a bowl”).
6. Repeat step 5 about ten more times, or as often as necessary.
7. Finish cleaning and setting up the tank.
8. While allowing the new water to acclimate to room temperature again, go to the store to pick up a few things.
9. Wait!  Don’t forget to put the “turtle in a bowl” up on top of the refrigerator, so that the kitten doesn't kill it while you’re gone!
10. Return home 20 minutes later to find an empty bowl on top of the refrigerator.
11. After a frantic search, find the turtle upside-down, underneath the refrigerator.
12. Apologize profusely to the turtle and place back into his newly cleaned tank.